I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
