sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
