You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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