i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
