Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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