Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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