I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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