Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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