btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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