Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize