Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
