I faked an abortion last night.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
