That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
