Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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