You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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