I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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