The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
