I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
In other news, I just burned my penis
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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