You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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