I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
They have beer where we have blood.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
