Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
