she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize