Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize