As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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