what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
