just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
