I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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