Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
