i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I love you.
Bad choice
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