someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
