It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
