I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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