I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
