the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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