We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
