what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
