I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
