Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
