so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
