): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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