doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
