no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
