I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
