Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
