Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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