My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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