The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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