she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize