I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Less talking, more tequila
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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