do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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