Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
