so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
