He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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