If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
