So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
