But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i would punch a child for taco bell
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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