brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
