apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
