there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
