when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
