All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I smell stomach acid.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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