i think my tv is drunk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
