She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
