we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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