We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
