Nicole vs. Life
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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