She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
