I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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