Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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