I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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