i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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