I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
