You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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