what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
