I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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