There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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